I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
