she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
