Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
