Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
