her vagine was all disorganized.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
