The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Randomize
