I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
whose ass print is on the piano?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
