So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
