No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I just had sex on a roof
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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