You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
