You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
