I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Randomize
