Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
time to smoke my breakfast
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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