She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
