I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
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