I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
