do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
