Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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