am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
It's just like the Real World with babies
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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