Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
