Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
