Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
