She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
My vagina is officially offended.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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