Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
And the cops told us we were all naked.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
