Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Randomize
