i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
