need another drink. this is the easiest way
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Randomize
