i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
