i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
