I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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