just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
