her vagine was all disorganized.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
