I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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