Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
