No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
