so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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