I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
