and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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