I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
