Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
