he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
