sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
