I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
