I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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