Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
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