How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
