I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
