i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
