My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Sorry my hands just texted you
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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