I accidentally burped into my bong.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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