did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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