They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
